At this point I’m not sure why I decided to exchange the Golden Gate for the Great Wall, AT&T Park for the Bird’s Nest, and most importantly Sacred Heart Cathedral Preparatory for Er Fu Zhong( Bei Jing #2 High School). My parents addressed my decision with “yin and yang” receptions. While my father believed it would give me a once in a life time opportunity for me to see the world, my mother insisted that school outside of the U.S. was utterly and essentially preposterous. I can’t help but think that in 2 weeks I’ll be sitting with complete strangers instead of the colleagues I’ve come to be accustomed to. As each minute in the U.S. passes by, I’m one minute closer to attending school in China.

School Year Abroad, the organization that allocated me to Er Fu Zhong, annually receives thousands of applicants from students across the U.S. for each of its programs (China, France, Italy, Japan, Spain, and Vietnam). Luckily, or at least from my point of view, SYA granted early acceptance to me on belief that, “We [SYA] believe that you fulfill the criteria to benefit from our program.” Along with 50 other American students, I had been picked out of thousands to enroll at Er Fu Zhong. My excitement that day as I read the letter prompted me to brandish my acceptance letter in the faces of my friends during lunch, so vehemently that I prevented them from actually seeing it.

Growing up, I had assumed that language was my strong subject.  My parents neglected to send me to Cantonese school, like most of my other Chinese-American friends. However, in middle school, I received the chance to learn Mandarin. I excelled, consistently testing in the top percentile of the class during our tingxie’s (listening comprehension tests). Soon, because my middle school failed to motivate its students (and my attention deficit disorder promoted day dreaming during classes) Mandarin gradually became my favorite subject. However, due to my poor knowledge of characters, I was only able to place into Mandarin 3,4 here at Sacred Heart. Nevertheless, I was motivated to learn the language; I soon overcame my ignorance of characters in that one year.  Still, I believe that it’s not where I’m going, as much as why I’m going. I could have gone to Japan, France, or Spain, and I believe I would receive the same experience.

I must clarify, I don’t know why I’m going to China anymore. Earlier this year, I explained to my friends and family that my sole purpose for going was to, “strengthen my proficiency in Mandarin” that I never had in Cantonese. However, that reason alone no longer suffices.  As the day of departure approaches, I continue to fail to eloquently articulate the reasons for my decisions. Was my head across the ocean, or up in the clouds?

Until next time, da jia qing man chi*!

*A phrase used to excuse oneself (usually from a meal), literally meaning “Everyone, please take your time eating.”